Do you and your partner have awful fights? Do you experience emotional and physical overwhelm during your arguments? Then you find yourself with this fear of talking to him about matters because you know you will probably just end up arguing again. Do your arguments leave you feeling hurt, maybe overwhelmed, and flooded with emotions?

Well Mama, I am here to tell you that you are not alone and in today’s podcast episode I am going to break it down for you. In this podcast, I am going to teach you how to have arguments without hurting each other.

In This Podcast


  • Flooding
  • What does flooding look like for you?
  • How to regain control in flooding
  • What did you learn from your parents about the roles of men and women?
  • The antidote to flooding is to take a break


The clinical term is called physiological flooding and it’s when you’re completely overwhelmed by emotions, your thoughts, and your physical sensations. (Veronica Cisneros)

When you are arguing with your partner, in the heat of the moment, it can be difficult to pull back and look at the situation objectively from both sides. This incredible overwhelm of emotions is what is called flooding.

Think back to previous arguments that you have been in with your partner.

What are you thinking in those moments? What are the stories that you are building up in your head about your partner and the situation? Are they based on objective fact, or inflated and inflamed emotions?

What does flooding look like for you?

  • Do you tell yourself bad stories about the person and the situation?
  • Do you think about all the worst things that could happen?
  • Where do your thoughts go?
  • Do you shut down or flare up?

Think about flooding as your body’s alarm system. What’s happening is you go into this fight or flight mode because your adrenaline is next level, and you feel as if you’re about to be harmed. (Veronica Cisneros)

When your body and mind are in flight or fight mode and your heart rate is elevated, you cannot process social interactions, and it becomes difficult to successfully problem solve during these moments.

How to regain control in flooding

1 – Notice your thoughts: are you using black-and-white thinking and saying the words, “always” and “never”? Are you catastrophizing? Are you narrating the story with your partner as the absolute villain?

2 – Identify your emotions: where are your emotions taking you? What are you experiencing at this time?

3 –Identify what is happening in your body: has your heart rate accelerated? Short of breath? Sweaty hands?

This emotional hijacking is the hallmark of our nervous system in overdrive. Something happens in your interactions with your partner that sets off your internal threat detection system. This is our sympathetic nervous system in action preparing you for flight or fight. (Veronica Cisneros)

Once you have identified what happens to you in the heat of an argument, have a conversation with your partner about what happens to them.

Have this conversation without judgment or criticism. Share with them what happens for and in you as well so that you can both learn from one another.

What did you learn from your parents about the roles of men and women?

Sit in a quiet spot and think about what you remember your mother and father teaching you about the expectations to have of men and women in marriages.

What did your father typically do? What did your mother typically do? Are you perhaps expecting your partner to act in the same ways that you saw your parents acting in?

Some of the things may be good, and others may be toxic.

Have this conversation with your partner to learn about what they experienced and may have internalized about their parents.

The reason I want you to ask him the same question is because I want you both to have a general understanding of how did you personally adopt similar habits of your parents, and how does your partner do the same thing? How does this impact you and the way you argue? (Veronica Cisneros)

The antidote to flooding is to take a break

When you are flooding and are only seeing red, take a 20-minute break.

Call a time-out with your partner and both of you should take a 20-minute break to calm down and come back to the discussion later when you are not upset.

This will allow you to have healthier and more productive conversations instead of getting caught up in fiery emotions and personalizing everything your partner says.


Useful links:

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros | Empowered And Unapologetic Podcast

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a licensed marriage and family therapist for over 7 years, a Group Private Practice owner, a Mother of 3, and married for over 20 years. I help housewives transform their marriage, communicate effectively and build confidence. Like you, I also struggled with cutting through the communication barriers. I felt like there was no reason for my husband and I to feel unhappy because we had it all. We just felt disconnected and our conversations were filled with avoidance, kids’ hobbies, and schedules. 

I’ve helped plenty of couples in my private practice who struggled with similar issues. With my proven strategies and step-by-step skills, I’ve helped hundreds of women reignite their marriages. I am known for helping women step outside of their comfort zones, I don’t do bandaids, I only teach life-changing healing methods.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or attend our annual retreat,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Empowered and Unapologetic Podcast on Apple Podcast {previously iTunes) and subscribe!