Do you and your partner often argue when it comes to making big decisions? Do you both feel you need to fight to get your opinion heard? Have you ever stopped to think that you both could be stuck in a power struggle?

In this podcast episode, I share a story from my past with you about how I used to make jokes at Willie, but as soon as those jokes were made back at me, I was not ok with it, I felt like I always needed to have the upper hand.

Grab your pen and paper, I have some work for you in this episode. I talk all about how to fix power struggles in your relationship.

In This Podcast


  • The power struggle paradox
  • Listen to understand
  • Look at past examples

The power struggle paradox

What often happens with power struggles is that each person is trying to get themselves heard, understood, or respected, and feels that the other person is not offering them those chances.

They were both saying the same thing, but they both didn’t want to hear each other. They didn’t want to hear what the other had to say, they were so blinded by emotion, not realizing that their partner is on the same page and wanted the same thing they want. (Veronica Cisneros)

The paradox comes in when they both don’t see that they actually want the same thing from one another.

For couples that struggle with power struggles, therapy can be difficult, because therapy represents a space where you let your guard down and listen to each other.

The very thing that they push against becomes the very thing that will help them, to let go and listen.

Listen to understand

The first step in overcoming a power-struggle-related argument is to listen to understand.

What is exactly happening right now? What are you hearing from your partner’s words, and what is your partner hearing from your words?

Look at past examples

Get a piece of paper and write down the names of your parents, and the names of your partner’s parents.

What did their relationships look like?

Who tends to be the one that goes into defensiveness, criticism, contempt? Do they both go there, or does one go there? Do the same thing for his parents. Who is the one that wants the most power? (Veronica Cisneros)

This is not to criticize them either. All that you are doing with this exercise is collecting data, historical and experience-based data.

I want you to get insight as to how you guys are repeating the same patterns that your parents have modeled for you. (Veronica Cisneros)

How did both of your parent’s relationships and power struggles impact you and your partner?

You might be triggering each other’s deeper fears.

Let down your guard. You guys are on the same team. (Veronica Cisneros)

Books mentioned:

Stephen Covey – The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Useful links:

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros | Empowered And Unapologetic Podcast

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a licensed marriage and family therapist for over 7 years, a Group Private Practice owner, a Mother of 3, and married for over 20 years. I help housewives transform their marriage, communicate effectively and build confidence. Like you, I also struggled with cutting through the communication barriers. I felt like there was no reason for my husband and me to feel unhappy because we had it all. We just felt disconnected and our conversations were filled with avoidance, kids’ hobbies, and schedules. 

I’ve helped plenty of couples in my private practice who struggled with similar issues. With my proven strategies and step-by-step skills, I’ve helped hundreds of women reignite their marriages. I am known for helping women step outside of their comfort zones, I don’t do bandaids, I only teach life-changing healing methods.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or join our ‘Reconnect with your Husband’ Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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