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Do you ask for what you want and what you need? Are you stuck on a dealbreaker with your partner? Why must you aim for interdependence to create genuine intimacy? Is changing for the better in a marriage really possible?

In today’s podcast, we are joined by Katy Blommer. Katy and I talk about how we didn’t notice the red flags when it came to divorce. Katy shares her own story.

Meet Katy Blommer

Katy Blommer is the founder of Women’s Best Life University. She provides women with the life-changing education needed to stop feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and start living their best lives!

Katy started WBLU after going on her own 12-year journey learning to live her best life. Her journey included overcoming terrible body image issues; learning how to master consistent healthy habits; climbing the corporate ladder to a multiple six-figure income, navigating mom guilt while working a stressful, 50-60 hour weeks; overcoming serious marriage issues, and more.

After spending 12 years and thousands of dollars on therapists, trainers, books, classes, etc. – Katy realized that what we learn growing up as girls and young women is all so backward and really sets us up for a life of people pleasing, guilt, taking care of everyone but ourselves, and not being brave enough to design and live the life we truly want.

Connect with Katy on her LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram, or listen to her Podcast here.

In This Podcast

Summary

Is it a dealbreaker or not?
Aim for interdependence
Change is real and possible
Confidence and attraction go both ways

Is it a dealbreaker or not?

If you are at a place in your marriage where you and your partner have tried everything, or you have tried at least more than five times in five different ways to connect with them about solving the problem, then you need to make a choice.

You have to decide if it’s a dealbreaker for you, the thing that you need to change. You have to decide if it’s a dealbreaker or not. If you decide that it is a dealbreaker, then you have to give an ultimatum, and then leave. (Katy Blommer)

If this issue that you are facing with your partner is a dealbreaker for you, then you need to let them know and give them an ultimatum.

If they still are not able or are not willing to make the necessary changes, then you need to respect and love yourself enough to leave.

However, if it’s not a dealbreaker, then you need to drop it. If they’re not going to change, then you need to stop bringing it up in the hopes that they will, if it’s not that important to you.

Aim for interdependence

You and your partner are individuals. You are both your own people with your personal lives that you share with one another and build around each other, but fundamentally, you are still your own person. That is a good thing!

It really is about doing the work to get there, and it’s not easy, but it is so worth it. When you get there, it’s life-changing, and it’s relationship-changing. (Katy Blommer)

If you want to have independence and a healthy relationship that is not running on desperation and codependency, then you need to build interdependence.

Change is real and possible

I am not exaggerating; from that day forward, he never looked back … when I say he never looked back, what I mean is that he never stopped trying. (Katy Blommer)

Katy and her husband went through two tough years of intensive couples’ therapy, with weekly sessions, to learn and practice how they wanted to make changes with one another going forward.

We still have challenges and things we have to work through and now we have tools and what we learned through therapy was just completely life-changing. It was a rollercoaster over those two years, but he never went back. (Katy Blommer)

They both learned how to express their needs, how to properly meet them with themselves and for one another, and to see one another as their partner, but also as the individuals that they inherently are.

Confidence and attraction go both ways

When we start to value ourselves enough to stop doing all of the things, I think we become more attractive to them because we’re more confident. Men are attracted to women who love themselves and are confident about themselves but when we’re doing all of the things all of the time, we’re exhausted, and we don’t love ourselves. (Katy Blommer)

When you know your worth and have self-respect, you will not be running after everybody and making sure that life is somehow perfect. You know that you can provide, love, and support without completely putting yourself on the sideline.

This belief and knowing of your worth make you attractive – it shows that you know that you, your time, and your energy are valuable.

Books mentioned:

Rori Gwynne – Have the Relationship You Want

Useful links:

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Coach, Course Creator, Retreat Host, Mother of 3, married for 23 years, host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, and owner of a group private practice called Outside The Norm Counseling.

A lot of couples struggle with setting aside intentional time to connect and communicate. They yearn for meaningful conversations that don’t lead to arguments.

1 month away from divorce, I realized I had to do something different. For years I had compromised myself to meet the needs of my husband and my child, I lost myself and was about to lose my marriage. After years of personal growth and self-reflection, I not only reclaimed my identity, and celebrated 23 years of marriage but also helped hundreds of couples transform their marriage from feeling like roommates to experiencing a deeper love.

I am on a mission to help couples reignite the fire by providing them with the skills to have the relationship they deserve.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or join our Workshop, you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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