Have you and your partner checked out? Do you want to make a real change? Are you ready to reignite the spark in your marriage to have fun and grow together?

In this podcast episode, I talk about a personal story about Willie and myself. I share some tips and advice on what makes a successful marriage, and how your past could be showing up in your relationship today.


  • Is defensiveness present in your marriage?
  • Invest in your friendship
  • How to establish your roadmap to a successful relationship

Is defensiveness present in your marriage?

It became this defensive match of who did more, and I wasn’t ready to go ahead and actually hear what my husband was communicating. I wasn’t ready to hear it because I felt like I was being attached. (Veronica Cisneros)

Our marriage was one month away from divorce before we decided to truly give it a shot and make things work.

It took years for us to figure out our way back together, and our way going forward, and in the beginning, it was tough. We both had unresolved issues, from ourselves and with one another, that we had to openly and authentically communicate to heal.

Keeping score is like a defense against getting – or feeling – hurt by our partners.

I had literally built up this wall because that was my form of protection and as long as I had that form of protection, then I was “fine”, there was no way he would be able to hurt me emotionally. We did that over and over again. (Veronica Cisneros)

Invest in your friendship

One of the greatest ways to protect, ensure, nurture, and develop your marriage is to invest in your friendship with your partner. You need to be friends, just not partners.

You need to want to be together because you respect and like them, and not just because you are married.

When did you stop having fun together? When did the household chores, the kids, the schedule … when did that take over? And why? (Veronica Cisneros)

How to establish your roadmap to a successful relationship

1 – Identify the issues that you are bringing into the relationship: most people do not hold themselves accountable for their actions or behaviors, and that can be a huge cause for resentment in marriages.

You need to spend some time – both of you – to figure out what needs attention in yourselves so that you can be aware of them, and work on them.

When you neglect to assume responsibility for your actions, you are putting your marriage at risk. So, it’s time to do something different. (Veronica Cisneros)

2 – Go back to the beginning when it was fun: what did you two often do together that you enjoyed? What has stopped you from doing them? Are you refusing to do them? Can you add those activities back into your lives?

3 – Recognize each other’s differences: celebrate your differences! Respect and love them, because they ultimately make up the person that you want to be with.

Find common ground, discuss your non-negotiables, and let the differences be without judgment.

Being able to understand your partner’s perspective is truly going to help you establish trust. (Veronica Cisneros)

4 – Recognize that you both lack skills: both you and your partner can learn to do better. No one is born knowing how to create a great marriage because a happy and healthy marriage comes from doing intentional work through building good skills like communication, patience, respect, and honesty.

5 – Consider your different backgrounds: what did you both experience growing up? How is your past showing up in your marriage?

6 – Understand the value of intimacy: what does sex represent to you and him? What were you both taught about sex? What are your beliefs about it?

Useful links:

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros | Empowered And Unapologetic Podcast Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Coach, Course Creator, Retreat Host, Mother of 3, married for 23 years, host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, and owner of a group private practice called Outside The Norm Counseling. A lot of couples struggle with setting aside intentional time to connect and communicate. They yearn for meaningful conversations that don’t lead to arguments. 1 month away from divorce, I realized I had to do something different. For years I had compromised myself to meet the needs of my husband and my child, I lost myself and was about to lose my marriage. After years of personal growth and self-reflection, I not only reclaimed my identity, and celebrated 23 years of marriage but also helped hundreds of couples transform their marriage from feeling like roommates to experiencing a deeper love. I am on a mission to help couples reignite the fire by providing them with the skills to have the relationship they deserve. Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or join our Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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