What is the secret to a happy, healing, and lasting marriage? How can you tell the difference between actions that come from unresolved trauma or from peace? Is there a change that you would like to make to improve your relationship? 

In this reverse podcast episode, I speak with Lucy Coutinho and Nihal Horne about how to maintain your happily ever after and the secret to a healthy marriage.


  • How to tell if you’re operating from a trauma response
  • Don’t shrug off the “bad seasons”
  • Say something!
  • The secret to a lasting, happy, and healthy marriage

How to tell if you’re operating from a trauma response

It can be very difficult at first to pinpoint when you are acting out of a trauma response, especially generational trauma, as it will feel familiar.

Doing something new, even if it’s the “right” thing or the thing that you really want to do, will feel strange.

If you aren’t careful, you might treat the new course of action as dangerous while sticking to the old dangerous route because of the familiarity which creates a feeling of safety.

When you start developing that realization that is when you start educating yourself, and when you start being exposed to different norms. (Veronica Cisneros)

Don’t shrug off the “bad seasons”

If you and your partner are often going through “bad patches” or “bad seasons”, you may want to look into couples’ therapy.

Of course, the occasional rough patch is going to happen, but if the connection of your relationship is being strained through constant struggles, then you might need to put the pride aside and make a stand for your marriage.

This right here, this right here is your red flag. If you’ve been looking for red flags, this lack of connection right here is your red flag, and it’s time for you to get help. (Veronica Cisneros)

If you are often stuck in the same cycle of conflict with your partner, seeking professional help may be the tool that you need to change the pattern – especially if you don’t know what the next step to take is.

Say something!

You do not have to suffer alone, and likely if you are, then your partner is too. You do not have to feel alone and disconnected in your marriage.

Be brave, step up, and say something.

I know you’re scared … I’ve been there, and I’m here to tell you that there’s so much healing when we’re able to validate what we’re experiencing at that moment. (Veronica Cisneros)

CBT – cognitive behavioral therapy – is a great tool to use in your therapist with a professional because it helps you to become aware of your thought, and the words that you use, and intentionally shift them.

When somebody teaches you, “What a minute, you’re actually catastrophizing or … you’re actually overgeneralizing … let’s break that down. What’s happening for you in your body?” (Veronica Cisneros)

Your thoughts are not always true. You can change them, and therefore change the way that you think and behave in different situations. Therefore, you can then respond to the situation, instead of blinding just reacting to it.

The secret to a lasting, happy, and healthy marriage

Be the best of friends with your partner! You both need to love, support, and respect one another as individuals as you are while sharing the life that you have built together.

Useful links:

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros | Empowered And Unapologetic Podcast Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Coach, Course Creator, Retreat Host, Mother of 3, married for 23 years, host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, and owner of a group private practice called Outside The Norm Counseling.

A lot of couples struggle with setting aside intentional time to connect and communicate. They yearn for meaningful conversations that don’t lead to arguments. 1 month away from divorce, I realized I had to do something different. For years I had compromised myself to meet the needs of my husband and my child, I lost myself and was about to lose my marriage. After years of personal growth and self-reflection, I not only reclaimed my identity, and celebrated 23 years of marriage but also helped hundreds of couples transform their marriage from feeling like roommates to experiencing a deeper love.

I am on a mission to help couples reignite the fire by providing them with the skills to have the relationship they deserve. Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or join our Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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