How long is your to-do list? Do you schedule in your partner on your to-do list as a chore, or as an opportunity for connection? Are you avoiding talking about the difficult stuff?
In this podcast episode, Veronica Cisneros speaks with her husband Willie about the 1st mistake to avoid for a healthy marriage and they go deep and tackle some difficult questions!
In This Podcast
- The dishes, the laundry, and the kids get more attention than my husband
- Addressing the workbook questions
The dishes and the laundry get more attention than my husband
If you’re avoiding your husband because he’s another task, well, what’s really going on? Because you are not only avoiding him, you’re avoiding your kids and you’re also avoiding yourself. (Veronica)
Through avoidance, lack of communication grows, and issues become larger and more daunting because they are not being tackled head-on. Instead of you and your partner being a team against the problem, it turns into you feeling like your partner is the problem.
Addressing the workbook questions
What are you avoiding?
Are there expectations and assumptions you have about what a healthy relationship looks like that you are forcing into your marriage?
If all you’re doing is looking at what an unhealthy relationship looks like, then you’re going to think it’s healthy. Although you know there is disfunction, if that is all you were taught, then that is all you know. (Veronica)
What does it feel like after you have completed a task and how can you experience something similar with your husband?
I can go ahead and experience that same feeling with you, not necessarily that check-in-the-box feeling or accomplishment, but … when you and I argue, during those times I’m so emotional, however when you and I are talking and in that moment when I stop myself and actually hear what you’re saying, I realize that you and I are both on the same team, and in those moments it’s that same feeling of accomplishment. (Veronica)
The connection is a feeling of having the goal be to understand and hear what your partner is saying, not to win in the argument.
What tasks can you assign to your family?
You do not need to do everything because it is not humanly possible to attend to everyone’s needs and get everything that needs to get done completed every day.
Asking for help does not make you any less, in fact, it makes you more resilient to admit that you can go a lot farther with help rather than suffering under all the burdens alone. By including your kids in chores and housekeeping you teach them about responsibilities; instead of paying them an allowance, pay them a commission.
Pick a day for date-night
Schedule it on your calendar and make it a priority every single week. Create spaces where you and your partner get to have alone-time together where you can be reminded that you are a couple who love one another, not only parents or business owners.
Imagine a day all to yourself, what would you do?
Be creative, let your imagination flow, and write it all down. Plan a day away and then work towards doing it, because it is an opportunity for you to reset.
- Dr. Peter Lynn and Tod Jacobs: Marriage Experts, Educate us on What makes a good Marriage | EU 46
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Meet Veronica Cisneros
I’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.
So I started Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist.
Thanks for listening!
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Empowered and Unapologetic is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Beta Male Revolution, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.