Have you or your partner ever had issues with using sex as bribery? How can you move past using sex as a means to get something and enjoying it again instead? What can you and your partner do to regain intimacy in your sex life after letting go of weaponizing it?

In this podcast episode, Veronica Cisneros speaks with her husband Willie about how couples use sex as a weapon.

In This Podcast


  • Using sex to fix a problem
  • Sex because you’re upset
  • Taking it too far

Couples might first use sex to fix a problem

For some couples who are sick of fighting about a problem or who are desperately wanting a solution, sometimes sex can seem like a quick remedy of intimacy to bridge the conflict.

As Willie discusses, in this situation sex is not a weapon and is instead used as some kind of band-aid, however, the consequences are still destructive on the relationship.

Sex when you’re upset

Using sex as a quick remedy still leaves issues because the next day when you wake up, you are still upset. If the problem is not fixed, it will not suddenly disappear after some good sex. After a while this will begin to build resentment and hack away at communicating effectively.

If you are upset with your partner, tell them that, instead of hiding behind or using sex to get out of having to communicate.

We had amazing sex, but the problem is still here, it wasn’t fixed. I think when you start to realize that that is the issue, and you realize that this is not the fix-it-for-all, you have to go back to the basic thing, fix this first: let’s deal with the problem. (Willie Cisneros)

Using sex, something that is an incredible method of creating intimacy and connection within a couple, as a powerplay over your partner will inevitably ruin the potency it used to have when you actually want to be intimate.

Taking it too far

Once sex has been desensitized too much and once it has been used as a powerplay too often, partners will no longer connect during sex and will instead use it for their own needs or gains.

As Willie mentions, for him and for other men sex is a form of validation and a sign that their partner is still attracted to them.

If during sex their partner disconnects from them or is not showing the same emotions that they are, they begin to doubt themselves on whether or not their partner is actually attracted to them.


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Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros | Empowered And Unapologetic PodcastI’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.

So I started  Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook communityjoin the VIP community, or attend our annual retreat,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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Empowered and Unapologetic is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Beta Male Revolution, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.