Does your husband struggle with opening up to you about his emotions? How can you provide a space for him to express himself without letting him feel like you’re mothering him? What can you on your end to create a system of effective, sincere communication?
In this podcast episode, I share 3 tips for talking to your husband when he keeps things bottled in.
In This Podcast
- Listen to understand and give him space
- Don’t blame him
- Stop being so damn defensive!
- Details on my new course
Listen to understand and give him space
If I was patient, if I really really paid attention and really wanted to help, well then I needed to listen to understand. I needed to wait, and so ladies I’m going to tell you to wait. It’s nothing personal [to you], he just doesn’t know [yet] how to trust and be vulnerable so giving him space and letting him know you’re there for him when he’s ready is key to helping him let go of the emotions that he bottles up. (Veronica Cisneros)
Most men aren’t taught how to regulate their emotions and express themselves because from a young age they have been constantly taught to brush it off, man up, and get over it. They do not have the communication skills yet to express themselves.
By providing an open space where they can feel safe to be vulnerable with you and trust that you will not invalidate their emotions, perhaps like people did to them when they were younger, your partner will be able to speak to you about difficult things.
In order to provide this space, practice empathy. Express that you know what they are feeling and when they feel ready to speak to you, they know that you will receive and listen to them without judging or telling them to get over it.
Don’t blame him
In the heat of the moment you may want to express your anger at his lack of expression but do not do this, do not blame him, because he is not doing this out of spite – in a healthy relationship – he simply has not been taught how to express himself.
Most men have their emotions invalidated and were not provided a judgment-free space as a child to feel their emotions. Of course, this compounds into adulthood, and even though it comes as second nature to most women, it is foreign to most men.
This is because women are almost always provided the space to express their emotions whereas men are not given the same opportunity. Therefore, do not blame him.
Stop being so damn defensive!
When you get into a difficult patch with your partner it can cause you to put up your defenses, however, try to keep this to a minimum.
Often, we become defensive because we feel that the argument is a personal attack on us, however, it is often just a misunderstanding.
By processing our emotions together and regulating our response to the conflict, we can keep our defenses to a minimum and actually listen to one another instead of being obsessed with being right.
Ladies, your men will open up to you as long as you put your damn guard down too. You can’t expect him to open up and say all these things if your damn guard is up, he’s not going to do it … it’s not going to happen because there is no trust. (Veronica Cisneros)
Letting our guards down is an act of expressing mutual trust. It shows that couples trust one another to be raw and real with one another and know that their partner won’t turn around with judgment and ridicule.
Details on my new course
Reignite Your Marriage By Cutting Through Communication Barriers: Finally feel Supported, Appreciated and Understood
I’ve been getting a lot of questions from married women about how to effectively communicate with their husbands. This course would provide expert advice and easy-to-use strategies to help women connect with their husbands feeling understood, supported, and more importantly feel connected. A 5-week online course with an outlined workbook and exercises for you and your husband to do together. We will meet weekly and there will be live group coaching calls and so much more.
I want to personally invite you to be one of my 15 founding members for the online course, here’s what you’ll get:
- Reduced price now as a Founding Member, only pay $197 (As of 4/6 Course Price will be $297)
- 5 Week Online Course
- Expert Advice & Easy to use strategies
- Weekly Meetings and Coaching Calls
- Lifetime Updates
- Bonuses and so much more
- Course Start Date 5/10/2021
- Why You’re Stuck Managing The Family: An Intimate Conversation with Brandy & Billy Eldridge | EU 58
- Download your FREE workbook HERE – THE 5 MISTAKES TO AVOID FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE: TIPS FROM A THERAPIST
- Sign up for the VIP membership
- Join Our Girl Gang
- Empowered And Unapologetic Free Course
Meet Veronica Cisneros
I’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.
So I started Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist.
Thanks for listening!
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Empowered and Unapologetic is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Beta Male Revolution, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.