When did I become this nag that everybody wants to avoid? When did I become this person that is constantly irritated, frustrated, and can’t wait for the kids to go to sleep? When did I become this person who doesn’t have time or is too tired for intimacy? When did I become this person who completely forgot who she was, and what her purpose was?
Sound familiar mama? I bet it does, and it sucks, but this was once my story. I couldn’t go on being frustrated, irritated, and always putting myself last, so I made a choice, a choice to put myself first, and today I want to share this with you.
In This Podcast
- You’re feeling tired, resentful, and disconnected
- What you need to understand
- This is not resentment, it’s insecurity
You’re feeling tired, resentful, and disconnected
You’re feeling tired, resentful, and disconnected… Where are you at in life? Are you happy? If the answer is ‘no’, then what are you going to do about it?
What most of you might say is ‘well, I’m waiting’, ‘I’m happy when my kids are happy’ or ‘I’m waiting for my husband and eventually he’ll catch up’ but the reality is [that] honey, you are going to be waiting for a really long time. You are going to be waiting a long time for somebody to make you happy …. Nobody can make you happy, it’s something you have to do on your own. (Veronica Cisneros)
We put ourselves in the position that the household does not, and struggles to, run without us. Why have we put ourselves in this position? We have created this monster and the family recognizes that the household cannot run without you: this is the trap.
This is why you have become the nag: you want things to be done a certain way and refuse to allow anybody to go off the path.
Ladies, this absolutely sucks on so many levels. It sucks for us because when we ask the question “how did I manage to lose me”, you have lost yourself because you compromised yourself over and over. You lost yourself because you no longer put yourself first, you’ve attempted to do everything for everyone, leaving very little space for you. (Veronica Cisneros)
What you need to understand
Step out of the role of constant nagging or controlling. Give your family, your kids, and your partner the chance to learn from their mistakes or from what they decide to do without you guiding them.
I know you don’t want your family or kids to suffer unnecessarily, but they can’t learn from their mistakes if you keep trying to stop them.
What I realized was [that] my family was going to be okay. They’re going to be just fine, and it’s not that they don’t need me, they just don’t want me as a nag, as a constant helicopter over everybody and I don’t want to be that person either. So I said “I’m just going to enjoy everything”. (Veronica Cisneros)
What you then realize is that you can also curate and create an experience for yourself. There has never been a time, and never will be a time, where you work on yourself and regret it. When you realize this, you will come to the painful but necessary realization that you are the one holding yourself back.
This is not resentment, it’s insecurity
That incredibly powerful feeling of frustration, the feeling of not being appreciated and resentment that so many mothers and wives feel in their homes is not always the only resentment: behind that anger is insecurity. People who feel afraid to fail and therefore push everyone else to constantly succeed and do well.
These insecurities interfere with your progress and ability to grow because they keep you stuck in patterns and behaviors that you think will take you to a place of peace and calmness.
Most of us are so afraid to fail, we’re so afraid to get it wrong so therefore we want the answers to everything. Ladies, this isn’t a quick and simple fix. It requires you to identify what [you] truly want in life and the minute you are able to identify [that] and you have the desire and willingness to go ahead and pursue it, then is when the road becomes so much easier. (Veronica Cisneros)
The hard truth is that you are making the choice to live life this way.
You can teach your family to help you, to pick up the slack, and be an active part of the family unit because even though you make life easier for them by controlling everything, they would not want you to suffer and you do not want to be burnt out.
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Meet Veronica Cisneros
I’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.
So I started Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist.
Thanks for listening!
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Empowered and Unapologetic is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Beta Male Revolution, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.