Here you are, yet again, feeling like it’s groundhog day… You’re doing everything, taking care of everyone, because nobody else is capable of doing it other than you. And sure, there are some ‘issues’ with your husband, something going on in your marriage, but you just don’t have time to address it right now… After all, it’s not that bad.

I sit down with my good friend and neighbor Sanjuana and we talk about how to start acknowledging the issues that we have. How do we admit that something needs to get worked on and get out of that denial trap?

Meet Sanjuana Saenz

Sanjuana Saenz is a 39-year-old woman, married for 12 years with tons of hobbies. She has a Doctorate in physical therapy, she admits that she practices this every day with her family.

Her hobbies include baking, cooking, crafting. She is a stay-at-home mom currently attempting to master online schooling. She is an avid spinner and loves her Peloton bike.

In This Podcast

Summary

  • “I got it under control”
  • What would it mean to let go of the control?
  • Sanjuana’s advice to the mom who does not know she’s in denial

“I got it under control”

When he comes out [of the office] I scold him because he’s ruining that control cycle of … “I’ve got it covered” … when he comes out it’s like “you distract me” which is terrible to say but it is a distraction to what I’ve got under control … if it wasn’t under control … the feeling I get is that if I’m not there to solve people’s problems, it would just be chaos but in myself when I’m there I’m the one in chaos. (Sanjuana)

There is a self-fulfilling prophecy that mothers and wives feel that if they have everything absolutely under control, there will be no chaos…  But the catch is that we, ourselves, suppress that chaos, and it builds up inside.

We self-sacrifice to control, to suppress the chaos when in actuality we are harboring anger and frustration at this incredible burden we have put on ourselves because we do not allow anyone to help us… Because WE are the “only” ones who can do this work. But then we feel frustration at being the only one working in the home with the family.

What would it mean to let go of the control?

As mothers and wives, we all want our families to be happy and fulfilled. However, the lengths that we may go to keep this perception alive is to control as many aspects as we can to make ensure everyone is “happy”, that nothing is “out of place”.

You ultimately become what you thought your husband was going to become, you ultimately become the psycho-crazy mom who’s now yelling and so [you say] “I got this” and go ahead and tend to the kids but you’re already at your limit and then explosion, this tornado happens … all because you were attempting to prevent the tornado, which led to the tornado. (Veronica)

Releasing some of the control is a difficult thing to do because it feels like you’re allowing slack for mistakes to happen. But mistakes are what help people grow. I say this over and over again, it is not possible for you to learn the lessons of the mistakes for your family.

Releasing control will bring you freedom, more peace and it will create the opportunity for your partner to also pick up some of that responsibility. In addition to this, it will ultimately encourage you two to work as a team, not against one another.

Sanjuana’s advice to the mom who does not know she’s in denial

Ask yourself the questions: is this where I want to be in five years? Is this where I want to be next year? Am I okay in this state? Am I okay with these cycles, and how long will I be okay with them?

Do you want to fix it, or do you want to let it sit? Imagine the life you truly want and is that where you will be in five years from now?

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Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros | Empowered And Unapologetic PodcastI’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.

So I started  Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook communityjoin the VIP community, or attend our annual retreat,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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Empowered and Unapologetic is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Beta Male Revolution, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.