We all know that you cannot pour from an empty cup, it just is not possible for you to give what you do not have. So often when you do this, you end up with feelings of resentment and frustration. So in order for you to the best mother or even your best self in a relationship, it is important for you to go inward and learn about yourself first.
My guest today brings a wealth of knowledge and drops a whole lot of truth bombs that you absolutely have to hear!
Meet Udo Erasmus
Udo Erasmus is the founder of Udo’s Choice products, and author of the book Fats That Heal Fats that Kill, which has sold over 250,000 copies.
As an acclaimed author and speaker, Udo has an 8-step process that takes into consideration all of the elements of nature and human nature, including physical health, mental health, presence and awareness, life energy, and being in harmony with nature and humanity.
Udo’s background includes studies in biochemistry, genetics, biology, and nutrition as well as a master’s degree in counseling psychology.
In This Podcast
- Emotional health and relationships
- How you feel is how you perceive
- Udo’s tips to going inward
- Udo’s advice
Emotional health and relationships
I was missing from myself. I was not in touch with the … foundation of my existence, and you have to go inward to reconnect to that foundation. (Udo Erasmus)
When we lack a foundation with ourselves we have to depend on our partner for it, and if both you and your partner lack your own personal foundations then you will be needing something from the other that neither of you can give.
I didn’t feel loved, and then I thought my love was going to come from her, and she thought her love was going to come from me but she couldn’t go in to find it to bring it into the marriage, and I couldn’t go in to find it to bring it into the marriage. In that situation, you have to say “well where the hell is the love going to come from if neither of you can get to it?” (Udo Erasmus)
It is not possible for you to give what you do not have, and even if you can give some, it often leads to resentment and frustration. In order for both you and your partner to be your best selves in the relationship, it is important for you to go inward and learn about yourself first.
Learn what you need, learn about your past, learn about yourself, and then bring this information forward to your partner, instead of expecting them to do that work for you.
I would say … anybody is not ready for a relationship until you have a solid relationship with your own life [because] then you bring [your full] presence into the relationship. Then you can negotiate anything, because it’s no longer a need. It’s supposed to be based on love but we base it on need. (Udo Erasmus)
When you have yourself cared for, you free up your emotional availability to then be able to help and care for others in a way that uplifts the shared community, and your partner.
How you feel is how you perceive
What your internal image looks and feels like will become the lens through which you perceive the world around you. If you carry peace inside you, you will see peace around you more easily, and maintain that peace more freely. If you carry anger inside you, you will see anger around you more easily and become and remain angry more often.
If you don’t see peace everywhere in the world, it means peace in you is not looking, and it means that you need to go deeper. If you are angry, you are going to see a different world and you are going to act differently in the world. You are going to create enemies and you’re going to fight enemies that you have created. (Udo Erasmus)
Your state of being comes to expression in your outside world. Therefore, the best way for you to create the outer world that you want to live in is for you to change your state of being.
Udo’s tips to going inward
- When you feel the uncomfortable resistance coming up, feel it. Sit with it.
- Even if whatever is coming up is uncomfortable, sit with it. Even if you cry, it is okay.
- Behind the heartache is wholeness. In order for you to find wholeness, it is necessary and important for you to sit with the heartache and give it your time and attention.
Until I feel whole, I will always take in my giving, and when I feel whole, I don’t need to take in my giving, because giving is our nature from that place [of unconditional love and wholeness]. (Udo Erasmus)
Your body and your life are not insecure. Your mind might be insecure due to insecure thoughts or the fact that you have not sat with your heartache.
This is not a judgment, this is an observation: if you are feeling overwhelmed with your children and disconnected from your partner, the problem is with you, not with them.
Everyone is at different levels in their development and to achieve emotional and internal stability like the masters is a tall order, but why would someone not go for it?
Being married and having children will not replace the happiness that you do not give yourself. You need to give yourself your own happiness instead of expecting it to come from outside of you.
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Meet Veronica Cisneros
I’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.
So I started Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist.
Thanks for listening!
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Empowered and Unapologetic is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Beta Male Revolution, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.