How does your friendship group deal with drama? Are you able to set boundaries with your friends, and your friends will respect them? Why are boundaries helpful, healthy, and necessary for friendships?

In this podcast episode, Veronica Cisneros speaks about How to Deal with Girl Drama, Set Boundaries, and Cut the Gossip.

In This Podcast

Summary

  • Conflict in friendship
  • Becoming a different person
  • A boundary
  • What to do if there is gossip in your friendship circle

Conflict in friendship

When there is a conflict of some kind or an altercation amongst a group of friends, the best way to overcome that aggression is to practice empathy, let down your guard, and try to see their point of view.

However, when you have been hurt, that can feel like the absolute last thing you want to do, and you want to put a guard up.

When we feel unloved or attacked, we feel unsafe: our guards come up, and then the instinct of self-preservation comes roaring in. (Veronica Cisneros)

Becoming a different person

If you are in a group of friends that bring out a different version of you: a version without boundaries, without celebrating successes, with talking behind someone’s back and being insincere.

Often the best course of action to remedy this may be the hardest: you must become a different person so that those old habits no longer resonate with you.

It wasn’t until I truly started working on myself that I realized, “wait a minute, you’re trying to be everything you think they need you to be versus everything that you are”. How many of you find yourself in that loophole, where you are trying to be everything your friend needs you to be? (Veronica Cisneros)

Do you find yourself acting in the way you think your friends want so that they accept you? Is this way of living conflicting with what is important for you in life, and do you feel safe to be who you are without your friends ridiculing you?

Depending on these answers, it may be time for you to elevate yourself out of a friendship group that is no longer serving you and your personal growth.

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A boundary

A boundary [is] telling someone how to behave around you, what is accepted and what is not acceptable. It’s a form of placing limits on what someone can say or do around you … when a friendship doesn’t have boundaries, the friendship may feel uncomfortable. (Veronica Cisneros)

Most of the time, boundaries exist but they are not enforced. Many women struggle with being assertive, but enforcing a boundary is not an act of selfishness or aggression.

It is an act of self-awareness and self-care, and if the other person has boundaries too, they will thank you for giving them guidelines on how to interact with you in the best way possible.

What to do if there is gossip in your friendship circle

1 – Seek to understand:

Seek to understand the situation and the person, not to win in being right. If your goal is to win, then you better prepare to risk losing the friendship entirely.

Listen to understand because more than likely something was misunderstood and lost in the miscommunication, or something was said in anger that the person did not really mean.

2 – Determine what is unacceptable to you when you set a boundary:

What is not acceptable to you in a relationship? Such as:

  • Shaming,
  • Manipulation,
  • Name-calling

And so forth. These are all valid things that you can put a boundary up against, and call people out on for.

3 – Why is this boundary important to you?

Because you are valued, and you are worth respect, love, and time.

4 – You must respect your own boundaries because you respect them, other people will:

If people do not respect your boundaries, there need to be consequences that follow in order to make it clear that these boundaries are not optional, and that you prove to yourself that you will protect yourself should someone overstep a boundary of yours.

  • Follow through with whatever you say.
  • You cannot set a boundary and go back on it because if you do, you are teaching people to mistreat you and not trust your words.
  • Enforcing your boundaries brings you confidence.

5 – Communicate your boundaries:

If something happens that you do not like or do not want a part of, say that you do not want to take part in the situation.

  • Someone is bad-mouthing someone else, you can communicate that you are not comfortable speaking badly about someone.
  • If someone phones you and it is a bad time for you, tell them that you will phone them again later.
  • When someone is talking badly to you, express that you will only engage in conversation with them when they can speak to you with respect and self-awareness.

When you set these boundaries, you are able to stand firm, build up that level of confidence and true empowerment. (Veronica Cisneros)

When you find yourself in drama, you need to evaluate what your role in the drama is, instead of absolving yourself of responsibility.

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Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros | Empowered And Unapologetic PodcastI’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.

So I started  Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook communityjoin the VIP community, or attend our annual retreat,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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Empowered and Unapologetic is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Beta Male Revolution, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.