Do you ever feel lonely? Are you not sure how to make friends? Is this the life you want to live?
In This Podcast
In this podcast episode, Veronica shares her story of a time when she felt alone and didn’t know how to make friends.
Adapting to change
My husband called me one day saying, “I’ve just received orders, we’re moving to New York.” Sure, we’re a military family but orders to New York? There had to be a mistake. So right away I told him to fix this! I’m not moving. My dad was ill and was up for a liver transplant. I couldn’t leave him, and we owned a home. Everything I know is here, I didn’t want to go. I was scared. I didn’t know how to start over or deal with change. But we were moving, it was a done deal.
Being the wife of a military man is hard. Most days you’re alone. In Cali, I have family, friends, and a support system. I was going to be alone in New York. Now looking back, it’s clear that I was just looking for something I could control. I was being forced out of my comfort zone and I was so afraid to try something new. When we moved to New York, I found myself isolating.
The skype calls I had with my friends were small moments of joy. I lied to them and told them New York was amazing and that I loved it. I just wanted to be happy. But when we got off the phone, I was alone again. Taking the kids to school I remember looking down, not talking to anybody. And to make matters worse, I’d gained weight. I lost myself because I was so afraid of change and didn’t know how to lean into vulnerability. It impacted our lives in a big way. I mean think about it:
If mom is not okay, no one is okay.
So I started to do things differently and ask myself questions. Is this the life I wanted to live? I knew that I couldn’t live this way anymore so I made an active decision to change it. I had to make an active choice.
Steven Covey states in order to create a new habit, you have to know what to do, how to do it, know why you are doing it and you have to want to do it.
Let’s start getting really honest with ourselves
Step 1 Ask yourself: What do I need to do right now to live the life I want to live? What habits do I need to change? Write them down.
Step 2 Ask yourself: Why do I need to change these habits? For example, are you lonely? If you continue living like this, how will things continue?
Step 3 Ask yourself: How am I going to change these habits? For me, it was instead of avoiding everyone, I told myself I’m going to start approaching other moms. Lean into the discomfort and connect. When I did that, I slowly started to find myself.
Step 4 You have to want to do it! For me, this meant I had to lean into my insecurities about meeting new people by challenging them. I did this by telling myself there is no way I am the only one who feels this way.
What is your intent for today?
Today I want you to compliment five women. Compliment their smile, eyes, or hair. Then pay attention to their reaction. I bet you will start a conversation. And then you’ll start to understand how to make friends.
Lean in and start a connection with someone with the intent to start a friendship.
Until next time, keep pushing forward.
Meet Veronica Cisneros
I’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.
So I started Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist.
Thanks for listening!
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Empowered and Unapologetic is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Beta Male Revolution, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.