Have you ever thought ‘how did I manage to lose myself’? Do you feel exhausted trying to create and uphold the idea of a perfect family? Do you struggle with feelings of insecurity, and guilt?
In this podcast episode, I speak about mom guilt and how to stop comparing yourself to other mothers.
In This Podcast
- Identify where the guilt is coming from
- Stop comparing yourself
- Unleash the mom guilt
- Schedule a date with yourself
1. Identify where the guilt is coming from
Does it come from something someone said to you? Or how someone reacted when you mentioned that weekend away you and your partner spent together? Does it come from yourself?
Think of the people that have negatively judged you for your actions as a mother and remember that there is no perfect way to do things and that there is no such thing as a perfect mother. When you think of these people, realize that they represent judgment. Do not take advice or allow input to come from people who you would not go to for advice.
2. Stop comparing yourself
There’s no perfect way, and no perfect mom.
You have no idea what goes on in other people’s homes, so stop idealizing them as perfect mothers. People may show on the outside that things are going well but we can never know their real struggles unless they invite us in. Do not fall for surface level judgments and assumptions, because they do more harm than good.
Naturally, people want to be good parents and may seek wisdom from observing those around them, but keep yourself from falling into the comparison trap by taking it a step too far and assuming what their situation is.
3. Unleash the mom guilt
Mom guilt prevents us from self care, because we feel alone an judged, we feel stressed and disconnected, we feel guilty when we do something for ourselves.
You can do this by being present on purpose, by practicing mindfulness. Here are some tips on how to get present in the now:
- Look at the ground, identity where you are. Describe it in detail.
- Then, close your eyes and identify what you hear. Wind, birds, music? Notice how they all blend together, which ones are closer or further?
- With your eyes still closed, identify what you can smell. Perfume, incense, peanut butter?
- What are you feeling? What is in your hands, what shape does it have, how do the clothes on your body feel? Notice these sensations.
- Then, notice what you can taste. Put a piece of chocolate in your mouth or take a bite of an apple and describe it as if you are describing it to someone who has never tasted these things.
All these steps help you to practice focusing on the present moment. This is how you can practice being present on purpose and focusing your energy and attention on real objects and events in reality, bringing your mind back from thinking about the to-do list and what is happening next week. Practice doing this with your children – when you spend time with them, do just that and leave all the distractions behind you.
Schedule a date with yourself
We so consumed with life, we busy thinking about the checklist, we completely forget to check in with ourselves.
Go on a date with yourself, your partner, or best friends, but make a conscious effort to make space for time for yourself. By releasing your mom guilt you can make space for yourself, and vice versa because they go hand in hand.
Make yourself a priority alongside all the other things to do, and with no excuses! Book an appointment at the salon, or a ticket to the theatre to see a show, or a table for brunch with close friends but make it happen.
Try to reconnect with yourself using the same mindful methods above. Sit with your thoughts, describe them. Notice them. Interact with them to bring yourself back to yourself.
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Meet Veronica Cisneros
I’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.
So I started Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist. Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, join the VIP community, or attend our annual retreat, you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!
Thanks for listening!
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Empowered and Unapologetic is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Beta Male Revolution, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.